Often I wonder am I the only one trying to figure out God and
understand Him. I know that I am not,
however it feels like that most of the time.
I watch and listen to others
around me and it seems to me that they have it all figured out. How God works in their lives and the lives of
their loved ones. I listen and listen
and wonder why am I not hearing God when so many others are, on what seems to
me a daily basis.
I study and I pray, I read about other religions and cultures
for the bible says to study to prove yourself approved. This of course is not an exact quote. So I read and I read some more. I’ve read mythology, about other
religions, history and so on. I am currently reading a book that’s call “God
is not one”. It is very interesting, it
talks about the worlds most popular religions and why we need them. Although I haven’t finished it as of this
writing I would recommend it anyway. It
explains the different religions and cultures, etc. A very fascinating read.
In my searching and trying to understand and feelings of
totally being rejected by God, I think I’ve come to a conclusion. I may be totally wrong on this, no matter
here it is. Although I search and
search, continually ask for proof (guidance, help, healing, job, finance, and
anything else you can think of)I may be one of those who may never really feel
or realize that God is there.
My thinking is to some extent that God is just out there
watching and not having much to do with the human race. I often wonder does he actually care what is
going on with each and everyone of us on an individual basis. How can anyone help but wonder that,
especially when prayers aren’t answered.?
God, or at least the Bible says we are to look to Him as a
father figure. What if your father
sucked, does that mean God sucks. Your
father was a drunk or abusive, or not there and didn’t care. Are we to look to God like that???! If we looked at God like that, then what’s
the use of even having a God or believing in him?
I sincerely believe that needs to be reworded especially for
those of us who have or had a father that wasn’t always there for us (oh yes
maybe our dads loved us, another story altogether). Maybe it should be stated something like
this: God is always there for you no matter
what (something like a best friend maybe (even best friends will leave you or
disappoint you). Actually I’m not really
sure how it should be worded for the simple fact is any scenario is really not accurate.
In conclusion I just want to say, I haven’t given up on God
just yet, although sometimes I feel like it.
So my question to God is:
Where are you and why is it so difficult for me to feel, see, hear
you? And: Are you there God? I know you are there somewhere, because you
said you are, so where are you? Anyway
God I will continue to pursue!
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