Searching for God

Often I wonder am I the only one trying to figure out God and understand Him.  I know that I am not, however it feels like that most of the time.   I watch and listen to others around me and it seems to me that they have it all figured out.  How God works in their lives and the lives of their loved ones.  I listen and listen and wonder why am I not hearing God when so many others are, on what seems to me a daily basis.

I study and I pray, I read about other religions and cultures for the bible says to study to prove yourself approved.  This of course is not an exact quote.  So I read and I read some more.  I’ve read mythology, about other religions,  history and so on.  I am currently reading a book that’s call “God is not one”.  It is very interesting, it talks about the worlds most popular religions and why we need them.  Although I haven’t finished it as of this writing I would recommend it anyway.  It explains the different religions and cultures, etc.  A very fascinating read.

In my searching and trying to understand and feelings of totally being rejected by God, I think I’ve come to a conclusion.  I may be totally wrong on this, no matter here it is.  Although I search and search, continually ask for proof (guidance, help, healing, job, finance, and anything else you can think of)I may be one of those who may never really feel or realize that God is there.

My thinking is to some extent that God is just out there watching and not having much to do with the human race.  I often wonder does he actually care what is going on with each and everyone of us on an individual basis.  How can anyone help but wonder that, especially when prayers aren’t answered.? 

God, or at least the Bible says we are to look to Him as a father figure.  What if your father sucked, does that mean God sucks.  Your father was a drunk or abusive, or not there and didn’t care.  Are we to look to God like that???!  If we looked at God like that, then what’s the use of even having a God or believing in him? 

I sincerely believe that needs to be reworded especially for those of us who have or had a father that wasn’t always there for us (oh yes maybe our dads loved us, another story altogether).   Maybe it should be stated something like this:  God is always there for you no matter what (something like a best friend maybe (even best friends will leave you or disappoint you).  Actually I’m not really sure how it should be worded for the simple fact is any scenario is really not accurate.

In conclusion I just want to say, I haven’t given up on God just yet, although sometimes I feel like it. 

So my question to God is:  Where are you and why is it so difficult for me to feel, see, hear you?  And:  Are you there God?  I know you are there somewhere, because you said you are, so where are you?  Anyway God I will continue to pursue! 

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