Where

I'm not sure where this post belongs, here or in heaven's grocery store.
However here goes.

Why do I question everything?  including God.  I wonder where He is and why he doesn't help me or give me guidance.  why does my life seem to be a nightmare, why does it seem to be a dream.   Why is it a hallucination, why can't I seem to get a grip on it any more.   I really, really don't know what happened to me.

I'm lost and confused and I don't know where to go or what to do.  I have lost  my ambition, my drive, my sense of adventure.   I want it back and I don't know how to find it.

I want God back in my life and although I believe I found him over 35 yrs. ago,  I wonder.  I wonder, I wonder and I still wonder, where is He, who is He and why can't I get back in touch with Him.

I'm searching, searching, looking, questioning, praying and still I can't seem to find God nor get his help!!!!!!   Where are you God, why do I feel like you don't care.   Somewhere in my brain I know you do!   Somewhere in my brain I know you love me.

It's my heart that I'm concerned about!!!!   I don't feel you in my heart and I want to! I don't know why I don't feel you in my heart.  Why aren't you  there???

Maybe I'm just confused.  I just wish I knew what to do.  God I feel lost and confused and I know you are not the god of confusion.  I know you give a lot of verses about that but they do not seem to be helping right now.

I'm just wondering right now where are you now!!!!!!!!!!  Why can't I hear you????
I want to hear you, I want to know what to do, I want to know how to start or do or whatever?.  I need to know,  I do not like this feeling of being lost and confused and being alone. (I know God I am not alone but that's how I feel)

I'm not good at speaking things out loud and I know I should according to your word.  I guess that is something I need to work on because I know there is power in the tongue or word spoken.

I just need your help God a small merical or something, guidance, direction.  Something.  I'm not asking for a lot God, I'm just asking for direction, that's all, please give me some direction.