Where

I'm not sure where this post belongs, here or in heaven's grocery store.
However here goes.

Why do I question everything?  including God.  I wonder where He is and why he doesn't help me or give me guidance.  why does my life seem to be a nightmare, why does it seem to be a dream.   Why is it a hallucination, why can't I seem to get a grip on it any more.   I really, really don't know what happened to me.

I'm lost and confused and I don't know where to go or what to do.  I have lost  my ambition, my drive, my sense of adventure.   I want it back and I don't know how to find it.

I want God back in my life and although I believe I found him over 35 yrs. ago,  I wonder.  I wonder, I wonder and I still wonder, where is He, who is He and why can't I get back in touch with Him.

I'm searching, searching, looking, questioning, praying and still I can't seem to find God nor get his help!!!!!!   Where are you God, why do I feel like you don't care.   Somewhere in my brain I know you do!   Somewhere in my brain I know you love me.

It's my heart that I'm concerned about!!!!   I don't feel you in my heart and I want to! I don't know why I don't feel you in my heart.  Why aren't you  there???

Maybe I'm just confused.  I just wish I knew what to do.  God I feel lost and confused and I know you are not the god of confusion.  I know you give a lot of verses about that but they do not seem to be helping right now.

I'm just wondering right now where are you now!!!!!!!!!!  Why can't I hear you????
I want to hear you, I want to know what to do, I want to know how to start or do or whatever?.  I need to know,  I do not like this feeling of being lost and confused and being alone. (I know God I am not alone but that's how I feel)

I'm not good at speaking things out loud and I know I should according to your word.  I guess that is something I need to work on because I know there is power in the tongue or word spoken.

I just need your help God a small merical or something, guidance, direction.  Something.  I'm not asking for a lot God, I'm just asking for direction, that's all, please give me some direction.

Looking for Mom.

OK Mom,

 I'm waiting for you to come home, however I know you never will because you went to be with our Lord.   However I'm still waiting because it seems like you shouldn't be gone.   When are you going to come home?  That is my question!!!    When am I truly going to realize you are not coming back here.

I don't want you to be gone, I want you to be here.  I want to take care of you.  You left way, way too soon.
I wanted you to be cured and whole.   I was really, really hoping that you would be cured of your cancer and that  we would be roommates per say.  I would find a job (full time, part tune) and pay you rent.  I was so willing to do that and to take care of you.

However that wasn't to be!  I am so, so, so sad about that!

I wanted to get to know you better, I wanted to learn from you.  Even though I have told you several times that I love you, I wanted to show you that!  I really don't know if I've showed you that or not the short time we had together.      I'm still waiting for you to come home, I miss you so much and wish we had talked more.

Where are you Mom?  Why aren't you here?!  We had such a short, short time together;  I thought it would be longer than a couple of months.   I came here in the month of June and you departed this life in early September.  I was totally not expecting that.   I was really hoping that you would be here a lot longer.

I must say Mom I miss you tremendously and for right now I'm still looking for you to come home, because I'm here on vacation and you needed to go to work and do what you need to do.   So I'm here at your house waiting for you to come home and I'm making dinner for us.   Come home Mom so we can have dinner together.

I love and miss you Mom and I am so happy that you are no longer in pain and that you are with our Lord.
However I'm still waiting for you to come home.   I miss you so very very much.

Love,
Julia

My prayer on May 7, 2011

Father in heaven, we come before you this evening in prayer, gathered together in Jesus name for where two or more are there Jesus is according to your word.

We bring before you Lord the prayer request mentioned and ask that you reach down and fix them, whether it be for healing of body, mind spiritual or otherwise.   We thank you for fixing these and for comforting those who need comforting and for giving strength to those who need strength.

We thank you for the many blessings you have given us, for the ones we mostly take for granted, like food, clothing and shelter, but also for this beautiful world that you have given us, which is something we also take for granted.

You have blessed us in so many ways if we were to start counting we would count for eternity.

I ask now Father God that you pour out blessings to my sister and brother in law, for taking on the burden of me.  I know Lord that having me here is difficult on their finances as well as their private lives, having to adjust to another person living with them.

Thank you Lord for providing me a place to stay and thank you for the job you have provided for me.   I don't really understand or know why I'm in this place, but here I am.

Praise, honor and glory to you Father God in Jesus name.  Amen

Even though I don't always know why or understand what's going on and I get angry and frustrated with you, let me always look to you for strength and guidance and always be faithful and give you the praise.

Julia